story continued

6/27/11

I have had a rough 24 hours. This has nothing to do my my story. So I hope today I can get into the rest of it. My husband as I said had this personality that demanded lots of attention. It didn't matter if it was good or bad. So he could be very embarrassing when out in public. When he started using again it was right after we got married. I was 16 so what did I know. At the time this was cool with me because I partied with him. But there comes a point like when you have children, when this is no longer fun and games. As time went on and after our 2nd child I no longer did any partying. He would try things like going back to NA meetings. But it wasn't because he really wanted to. We moved back and forth from Florida to Alabama at least 4 times. I wanted things to be settled. He would steal things here and there. Stupid stuff like bags of ice or a 12 pack of beer. I've had plain clothed officers at my door a couple of times during our marriage.I can't even begin to tell you how awful that feeling is. Hence the reason I began to have anxiety issues. He did a few unsavory things that I'm not ready yet to put out there for the public. But he had no boundaries espsecially in his sexual conduct. Which has to be the most embarassing part of my story. Not to mention where alot of my guilt lies. I should have left this man!!!! And anyone who reads my story would be thinking that. But unless your in it, you don't know what you would do. These things are what led him to seek help. He was out of control and I was sick of it. They had him over loaded on meds I think so that he couldn't do anything if he wanted to. He led a very sad life when you think about it. He was adopted as a child. And was always seeking somewhere to fit in. He couldn't ever seem to find it. It didn't help that he would do retarded things. My family rode him about every thing he did. Even tease him over stuff that would make anybody feel bad. Again I say he didn't always deserve it. But when you put it all into context he was another example of someone who lost their minds because they were different, and nobody understood them. Put the medications on top of that and he became a ticking time bomb.