Not much good

1/8/12
  
I am starting to feel like I do all of this for nothing. I have had a horrible day!!!! My nerves have been shot out to the point of physical sickness. We had an issue today with our neighbors pit bull getting loose. This is how I was woke up this morning. The dog came to our garage and was staring down our cat and Mike. He panicked and that set the tone. He tried to knock on their door to alert them. But no one answered. So after a little time he called the sheriff's office. Needless to say the officer was not having this situation. He didn't like it one bit. He and the neighbors exchanged some not very nice words. It ended with them getting a citation for $1400 and us being told if it comes to our house just shoot it. Mike and one of the ladies next door got into it. She was totally nasty. She called Mike a cracker and said he shouldn't have children and he is just a drunk. I was trying so hard to get through all of this. I was sick to my stomach and had the chills. I had to lay down on the couch. But now all I could think about for the day is we are now going to have a problem with that house. The guy who actually owns the dogs was not home. We have already had an issue with him over this 2 years ago. We all tried to go on with our day, but the nasty lady kept watching everything we did all day. And it seems all of us couldn't keep from bringing the subject up again and again. This ultimately kept my nerves on edge the entire day. At the 6:00pm hour the man who owns the dogs came over to speak to us. Which I can tell you sent my blood pressure through the roof. To our surprise he was very good. He apologized and said he holds nothing against us. He was smiling and also told us he was sorry about the stuff that was said by his aunt. I thought that was great!!! The problem is I don't do well with chronic stress. Because I was on high alert all day I was doomed to lose myself. So Mike and I got into it and all of the pressure that built up in me all day was right at the surface. I got lost in anger and so did Mike. Things were said that honestly I can't come back from. So I walked my dog and cried. I am currently fighting myself with thoughts of it's just not worth it. When all is said and done I'm always the one at fault. I know it wasn't meant the way it was put, but last night I said this was going to happen. So I heard today that it was my words that set this in motion today. Because I said it the dog did it. I know that it is not my doing, but my mind recorded it and at the end of the day it's all my fault. I AM TIRED OF IT ALL AND MY THOUGHTS!!!!!! I need to go to bed soon. I was just hoping that if I wrote it would help me feel better. Sometimes getting stuff out of your head works. But that is not the case tonight. I'm shivering again and my stomach is twisting. I hate my anxiety.