So Mike and I got married. We were so happy. Most of our family was not. Everyone thought we should have waited for awhile, in light of what happened. We got married at the courthouse with nobody there. So it was very private and very beautiful. We had some trouble along the way. I can't lie and say it was all peaches and cream. I was starting to deal some with my loss. So I had nightmares alot. We lived in a home where we had to deal with a family member on drugs. This kind of constant uproar was not good for me. I was still dealing with withdrawal symptoms. You wouldn't belive how long that actually takes. Nervousness, anxiety, numb feelings down my arm. My skin would break out on my back. Any trigger that reminded me of what I had been through would cause me to get in my car and run. It took a long time to stop running. I couldn't help it. It was always my first response to stress. But through all of this I got pregnant with our son in january of 2004. It was the best news. Mike really wanted a baby. And I really missed being a mom. Now we just had to get a few things in order. I was working, mike was not. I quit my job due to stress. Probably not the best reaction. But now I needed Mike to step up and take care of his family. He finally did that. And has been a hard worker ever since. We have 2 children now. They are 15 months apart. A boy and a girl. They are the best things to ever happen to us. Mike is a wonderful father. We have worked ourselves up the ladder to finally have a house. We bought our house in 2008. I was over joyed. I didn't think I would see the day I would be able to own a home again. And that is where my PTSD really kicked into high gear. Because I had kids again, a husband who loves me, and now our own home. I could be comfortable in knowing I had once again the things I had lost. That in itself is where I lost myself in the worst possible ways. I could begin to let all the feelings I worked so hard to shove down, come back up again. And boy did they ever. For 2 years I was a raging out of control lunatic. So I will post later with the story on that. Thanks for following.
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