Events of yesterday

11/17/11
  
I first off want to thank all of you that posted a comment. I'm overwhelmed at the out pouring of comforting statements that each of you made. So once again doing this blog helped me get through. I find that on these special occasions the letters I write to one of my children or to my brother are usually done in my private journal. For some reason yesterday I just felt that it was ok to share with all of you. I did make a cake. And I also made Brandon's favorite dinner ( chili ). So I thought alot about him as the day went on. But I also had to stay in the present thanks to the normal stuff that happens with my kids now. At lunch time I had to go to school and pick up my daughter. She was sick. Which I felt bad for her but she was so cute when she came into the office. She had been crying, her face was all red. And she just wanted to go home. And around dinner time my son had an awful accident in the road while leaving our neighbor's house. He wrecked on his bike and hit his head on the road. It swelled up really bad. Honestly that shot my nerves. But it kept me here in the now. I was needed by the two children who are right here. But after all was said and done. I had a small piece of cake and my hot tea. And I told Brandon happy birthday. I feel that I made it through a day that normally is difficult, pretty well. And I do feel that on their birthday's it's good to do something to acknowledge their life. I have been so consumed over the years in their deaths. But they were alive!!! No matter how short the time was, they were alive. Each one of my kids made my life richer. I need to celebrate the life they had. And the day they were born is something to be happy about. I'm trying really hard to get there. My story is horrible and even to me it sometimes feels unreal. But bad things happen in the world. You think it couldn't happen to me. But you never know. Anything can happen to anyone. The difference now is I'm trying really hard to heal. I have lots of up's and down's. I have alot of stuff to work on. Especially my perception of the things around me. I get so busy scanning everything around me for potential danger, that I sometimes miss out on my own life. It does touch my heart to know that just my writing about what I'm going through, touches those who are reading it. I have to go now. I have a therapy appointment today. I will post soon.