Frustrated

10/6/11
  
It seems every time you try to get yourself in a good place something comes up to ruin that. I have been having some difficult times. My husband and I are stressed. Now we seem to have another issue on our hands. We are taking care of our nephew. I haven't spoken in great detail about that. But my brother passed away also in 2003 on Christmas eve. My nephew has been struggling ever since. He has had some ups and downs. To make a long story short he got into some trouble. He was making very poor choices and had no direction or proper supervision. So Mike and I offered to take him in. We went through alot over the summer to get permanent guardianship. In every conversation we had with him, he was sure this is what he wanted. Well now he is telling me he wants to go back home. He doesn't like it here. Mainly because he is bored. He has no friends here. And also because I won't give in to every whim he seems to have. I am both very angry and very sad. He seems to have no concept of just how much we have done for him. Part of me is like, fine go ahead and be on your way. And another part is like this is not a good thing for him. This all makes me very pissed off at my brother. He purposely left his children behind. Now the rest of us have to worry about how their life is going to turn out. Mike and I are now in full argument mode. I don't know where we stand right now. My nephew wants what he wants and seems to have no real concern about what he's doing to anyone else. It has been a huge adjustment for us having a teenager here. But we have been doing all we can to make this work. He is barely holding up his end of the bargain. I have been putting alot of my personal life on the back burner for this. And now it has all been thrown in my face. What is wrong with the kids these days? There is no respect or appreciation for anything. Some of our financial situation( not all) has been because of this. Our bills are higher. I really can't believe this is happening. I have been fighting my awful anger again. I let my nephew have it the other night. But as I began to feel that over powering urge to blow up uncontrollably I walked away. Now once again little issues are big ones to me. I have to find that peace within again. It's just very hard. I am a wreck right now. And I am very worried about where this leaves Mike and I. As of last night some not good things were said between the two of us. We slept separately. I just don't know what to do. I haven't blogged much because I didn't want to talk about these frustrations online. But it seems this is one of my only outlets. I guess that's why my therapist told me to do it. I have now missed two appointments with her. She has had scheduling issues. So I'm having to do this one on my own. I'm not looking forward to when my own children become teens. The only difference will be that mine will have parents who have been there for them all along. Thanks for listening. It's early in the morning. So I'm sure today will bring about more things. I just needed to talk this out to somebody. Hopefully I'll be better equipped for whatever comes my way today. I'll blog again soon. I'm open to any suggestions.