Hello

12/2/11
  
Well I decided to cut my medicine back to the original dose. I still feel tired but not as bad. I went to therapy yesterday. It was really great. I told my therapist my plan to get off the medicine within the next few months. My goal is to be free of everything. In the sense that I feel my way through everything and not be dependant of medicine. Don't get me wrong it has been working. I did need it at first. But I want to be able to cope with my life and all that has happened on my own. Does that make any sense? I have learned a lot of coping skills during these months of therapy. I still plan to stick with that. At least for awhile. We are working through a really great workbook. I feel that I have come a long way since April. I have a lot of things going on with my life, and I am present for that. The other stuff is there, and probably always will be to an extent. But I seem to stay more in the present rather than being locked in the past. We can never take back things we said or things we did. Once it's done, it's done. We have to learn to live with ourselves and change things that can be changed. My hardest obstacle was forgiveness. Not so much for others, because I can do that. It was forgiving myself for things I may have said, or things I did, or things I didn't say or do. And that pertains to my family that are no longer. I have had to settle in myself that there is no fixing that situation. I can't resurrect the dead. It's final in the ultimate way. But I am still alive and I have a life to live. I need to live it! So December can also be a bad month. My 2nd daughter's birthday is the 22nd. And December 24th is the 8 year anniversary of my brother's passing. But I will celebrate my daughter. And I will focus on how much Christmas meant to my brother and to all of my children (past and present). So I will make it good. I have learned that each day is what you make it. And thoughts can be changed with enough practice. There is bad everywhere we look. But that doesn't have to be all we see. There is a lot of good if we choose to look. As you can see I feel very optimistic and content today. We won't always be happy with everything all the time. But we can be content with ourselves, and grateful for having anything at all. Being born did not automatically entitle us or guarantee us anything. We would all do well to remember that. Today I'm grateful for life, my family, the ability to feel whatever I'm feeling. I have a choice to be happy or miserable. I'm grateful to have that choice. I choose to be happy today. Think about your gratitude list. What do you have to be grateful for? That notion is not just for Thanksgiving. It's daily. Gratitude, Love, Giving of ones self with no expectations. Those things would make the world a better place. I will leave you with this thought.....
As we rise to meet challenges that are a natural part of living, We awaken to our many undiscovered gifts, to our inner power and our purpose.
Think about that for awhile. I will post soon.